


what was lost, what was found

by Satine86



Series: that modern AU [17]
Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Angst, Family Feels, Gen, Parent-Child Relationship, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-23 02:32:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17071802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satine86/pseuds/Satine86
Summary: The Carlyles: A study in five parts.





	1. The Run In - Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have a few different Carlyle family outtakes? I guess I'll call them? They were written separately, but deal with the same thing in some degree: Phillip's parents. So I'm clearing out my WIP folder (don't hate me y'all might get spammed before NYE) and mashing them all together into a compilation of sorts.

“This has been absolutely phenomenal,” Lettie sighed. She drained the last of her coffee, and gently sat the cup down on the fine china saucer.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. Maybe we’ll make it a tradition?” Anne grinned. They were the last ones remaining after Lettie’s birthday lunch, the others clearing out to get ready for the show later.

The restaurant was quiet in the post-lunch lull as staff scurried around prepping things for the dinner rush. It had been decided as a special treat; the restaurant was high end with pristine linen tablecloths, and not so much as a speck of lint on the plush carpeted floor. The meal had been delicious, served in stages. It had at times reminded Anne of the Carlyle Estate and Eddie’s rehearsal dinner -- at least the good parts.

The waiter returned with the receipt and Anne’s credit card. “Thank you,” she said, taking the pen to sign. 

“You really didn’t have to do that, you know?” Lettie whispered. 

“It’s fine. Phillip said it would be his treat. I know he feels bad he missed it.” Although it hadn’t really been his fault, he had been called in to deal with the insurance company regarding one of the dancer’s sprained ankles. It had been a nightmare of red-tape. 

“Will you tell him not to worry about it? I’m hardly offended.” 

“I will, but it won’t stop him.” Anne giggled, although her smile faded quickly when she caught sight of a familiar face in the corner of her eye. She raised her hand to shield her face, and turned more fully toward Lettie.

“What is it?” Lettie asked, leaning in as well.

“Phillip’s parents.” Anne spoke through tight lips, inclined her head slightly. 

“Maybe they won’t come over this way? They probably get some fancy private table.” Lettie kept her head down slightly, trying to watch them covertly through her lashes. “Um, Anne?” she finally said.

“What?”

“They’re coming this way.”

“Shit.” 

By whatever stroke of bad luck, the Carlyles were seated at the table directly behind theirs instead of the plethora of empty ones peppered around the room. Anne fortunately had her back to them, but she knew the second she stood up they would see her.

Maybe they wouldn’t recognize her? It had been over two years since they had seen her, and it had only been one long weekend. But that excuse was flimsy at best. Anne knew that Mr. Carlyle would never forget, and that Mrs. Carlyle had likely spent plenty of time combing over photos from charity balls and banquets for even a glimpse of her and Phillip.

“Anne?” It was asked lightly, in such a civil manner. As if they were simply old acquaintances running into each other after a prolonged time. Anne shared a panicked look with Lettie before turning in her chair, bracing her hand on the curved back.

“Yes. Hello, Mrs. Carlyle.” She offered the woman a polite smile, and wondered what her husband had ever told her about that weekend. Had he told her that he offered Anne money to leave Phillip? Or that Phillip had punched him in retaliation once he found out? Or had he simply settled for lies. By Anne’s estimation he seemed rather good at lying.

“Mr. Carlyle.” Anne nodded at the man, her smile wavering. He looked almost exactly as he had sitting behind his desk, blandly trying to buy her off. It was just as unnerving now. 

“How have you been?” Mrs. Carlyle asked, and Anne supposed it was part of the show. She had, for whatever reason, decided to address Anne and now it would be impolite not to follow-up. And heaven forbid Mrs. Carlyle didn’t follow the rules of decorum to the T. 

“Very well, thank you. And yourselves?” 

“Well enough,” Mrs. Carlyle said. If Anne didn’t know better, she would have thought the woman seemed sad. She looked a little older than Anne remembered; the crows feet a little deeper at the corner of her eyes, the frown lines around her mouth a bit more noticeable. 

“Oh, excuse me.” Anne glanced toward Lettie when she cleared her throat. “This is my friend, Lettie Lutz. Lettie, these are Phillip’s parents.” 

Mrs. Carlyle perked up a bit at that. “You know Phillip?” 

“Yes, ma’am. I work at the theater.” Lettie smiled politely, following Anne’s cue. 

“Are you still at the theater then?” Mrs. Carlyle asked, her gaze swinging back to Anne. It struck her how much Mrs. Carlyle's eyes reminded her of Phillip’s, she had never noticed that before. 

“Yes.” At least in a limited capacity. 

“And are you and--” Mrs. Carlyle cut herself off, sparing a glance toward her husband when he shifted in his seat. Anne knew what that meant. She plastered on a fresh smile. 

“Are Phillip and I still together? Yes, we are.” She met Mr. Carlyle’s eyes directly. “And we’re very happy, it’s almost our one year anniversary.” 

For his part Mr. Carlyle took that without so much as blinking an eye. Although Anne could see a bit of red on his neck, creeping up from under his collar. 

Mrs. Carlyle, on the other hand, seemed genuinely pleased. “Congratulations. I’m glad to know he’s doing well,” she said. 

Anne met her gaze fully, offered her a real smile. “He really is.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Lettie said. “But we need to get going. Enjoy your meal.”

Lettie was the first to get up, gathering their things as she did so. Then she moved around to Anne’s side of the table, intending to block her from view as she stood up. Only it seemed she couldn’t completely block out Mr. Carlyle’s shrewd gaze.

“You’re pregnant.” He spat the words as if they left a bad taste in his mouth. Anne was sure if they were anywhere other than a four star restaurant he would have leapt up, and pointed an accusing finger like she were a petty criminal in a line up. 

“Yes, seven months,” Anne said and stepped around Lettie. “I’ve really popped recently.” 

“You and Phillip are having a baby.” Mrs. Carlyle was leaning forward in her seat, and Anne found she felt sympathy for her. She looked so genuinely excited, just like her own mother had been when she heard the news. “May I ask if it’s a boy or a girl?” 

“A girl,” Anne said. 

Mrs. Carlyle beamed at that, obviously pleased. Even with most of her attention focused on Mrs. Carlyle, Anne could see Mr. Carlyle in the corner of her eye, his mouth working as he tried to speak. 

“And before you say anything.” She turned on him with a scowl to match his. “This pregnancy has nothing to do with you. Phillip made that clear when he left, and you made that binding when you disowned him.” 

“You have some nerve--”

“You’re going to sit there and judge me condescendingly as if you hadn’t tried to buy me off? As if you hadn’t lied to my face and made me believe that Phillip knew about it. _You_ have some nerve.” 

Anne knew her reaction was partly due to hormones, but still all the old feelings from that weekend took very little to resurface. The anger towards Mr. Carlyle burned as hot now as it did the day she stormed out of his office. This man who had treated her like nothing, and who had so callously turned his back on his own child. And then, just like, she was consumed with grief. For Phillip, for the fact a father would disown his son. For so many things. Including the rememanerace of lying in her bed, in the apartment she had shared with W.D, believing Phillip didn’t love her. Against her will, Anne felt tears prick her eyes. 

“What was it you said to Phillip that weekend?” Anne paused and tried to recall the exact phrase he had used when he told her the story. “‘The shine will fade one day.’ Wasn’t that it? Well, I think we’re shining brighter than ever. No thanks to you.”

“I tried to do what I thought was best for my son,” he said. 

Anne started at him, incredulous. “You honestly believe that? Did you ever even know him well enough to know what might be best for him?” Anne wiped at her nose, frustrated and annoyed that she couldn’t seem to stop her emotions from spilling over everywhere, just as the words spilled from her mouth. “He’s a recovering alcoholic and still goes to AA. Did you know that? I doubt it, since he struggled with that all on his own before he and I even met. Did you know what was best for him then? What did you do to help?”

Mr. Carlyle had the good sense to look slightly abashed. There was some satisfaction in that, although Anne still wasn’t finished. 

“If I didn’t loathe you, Mr. Carlyle, I think I would feel sorry for you.” Anne met his gaze squarely, and for the first time in their acquaintance he looked truly humbled. “You were too caught up in your business and your good name and your status, that you never even took the time to appreciate your family. You were blessed with a wonderful son, who is kind and intelligent and generous. Phillip is so good in so many ways, but you never took the time to figure that out. Now it’s too late, and for that I do pity you.” 

With that Anne turned her back on him. Lettie put her arm around her and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze before guiding her toward the door. As they drew close to Mrs. Carlyle’s chair, Anne slowed her pace and looked her in the eye. 

“You should come to the theater sometime. See what Phillip has done with it. I think you would be proud,” she said softly before continuing on with Lettie. 

Once outside Lettie immediately pulled her into a hug. “Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry to ruin your birthday,” Anne whispered. 

“Are you okay?” she repeated. 

“No.” Anne was crying in earnest now. And while she knew how ridiculous it was, she couldn’t seem to make herself stop.

“Okay. Let’s get you home.” Lettie flagged down a taxi and helped Anne into the backseat. “Do you want me to come with you?” 

“I’m fine, really. Just hormonal. Besides you have plans with your family later, I don’t want to ruin that too.” 

“Nothing is ruined, Anne.” Lettie gave her hand a squeeze. “Are you sure you don’t want me to ride with you?” 

“I’m sure. Thank you.”

Lettie sighed but accepted Anne’s word with a nod. “I’ll call Phillip, the last thing he needs is to hear you crying on the other end of the phone.”

Anne nodded, smiled up at Lettie. “Happy birthday?” 

“Thank you. Take care of yourself and I’ll talk to you later, preggo,” Lettie said with a grin as she shut the door. Anne let her head fall back against the headrest as the taxi pulled into the street, and sighed. 

What a day.


	2. The Run In - Part 2

Phillip wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when he got home. Lettie’s message had been brief, but to the point. 

His parents. 

Anne running into them was down to circumstance, he was sure. Just horrendous bad luck that she would run into Eddie in the spring and his parents in the fall. Some astronomically small window of probability. Still, it would be nice if his family could just leave well enough alone. At least leave Anne alone.

“Babe?” he called as soon as he stepped through the front door. 

“Upstairs.” Her voice was muffled, but she didn’t sound like she was crying. So there was that. He hurried upstairs and pushed open the door to their bedroom. 

She was stretched out on their bed, a pillow clutched to her chest. Phillip knelt down in her line of sight and tilted his head at her, placed a gentle hand on her hip. 

“Why do you have the worst luck?” 

“Because the universe is saving you from an assault charge if you ever see your dad.” She started to sit up, swung her feet to the floor. Phillip snorted.

“You’re probably right.” He studied her for a moment. She looked tired, but she hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and other than that she didn’t seem any worse for the wear. “Can I ask what happened?” 

“I think your mom misses you. She wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl,” she said, a little sad, and placed a hand on her stomach. 

He wasn’t entirely sure what to think about that. Both he and Anne had wondered what all she knew about his father’s actions that weekend. Phillip doubted she knew much going in, but afterward who knew. For as long as he could remember she had almost always sided with his father. This probably wasn’t any different. Even if she did supposedly miss him. 

He decided to ignore that for now.

“What about my dad?” he asked. 

“He was himself?” She shrugged, a small smile tugging the corner of her mouth. “I did kinda tell him off though. I was so angry I wanted to throttle him.” 

“That’s the woman I married.” He gave a short laugh. “Are you okay though? Lettie said you were crying.” 

As if it were a trigger, Anne’s eyes filled with tears and she started crying all over again. Not the desired outcome. Phillip gave her a worried look before heading to the bathroom and returning with a box of tissues. She grabbed a wad of them and blew her nose. 

“I’m okay,” she said. “I’m just hormonal and I really, really hate your dad. And I just…” Anne trailed off and made a whining noise in the back of her throat. 

“Shh, it’s okay. I hate my dad, too.” Phillip sat beside her and put an arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder, sniffling and dabbing at her eyes. 

“I kept thinking about that time, and I remembered everything so vividly. It was like living it all over again, and it made me sad. Plus I was angry at your father for being an asshole and writing you out of the family. Besides, you know this pregnancy has made me emotional. I cried over a commercial yesterday.” 

“I remember. You were inconsolable for over an hour.” Phillip pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“Then I just wanted to see you, because apparently pregnancy also makes me needy.” Anne pulled back, and moved to lie down again. She reached for Phillip, and he obediently stretched out next to her. With a little maneuvering around her protruding belly Anne managed to cuddle next to him, her head tucked in the crook of his neck. 

“Well, I’m here now,” he said once they were settled.

“And you’ll always be here.”

He lifted her hand off his chest, kissed her knuckles, and then laced their fingers. “And I’ll always be here.” 

“And the shine won’t fade?” Anne whispered. Phillip paused.

“What did my dad say?” 

“Nothing really, I just... I don’t know.”

Phillip carefully untangled himself from Anne and sat up to look at her fully. He placed his hand on her lower back, rubbing it gently. 

“You know I love you. Nothing is going to change that.” He moved his hand to her stomach. “I love our family, our little girl. She is going to be so amazing, and you are going to be such a wonderful mother. And I’m so excited. For all of it.” He laid down again, this time facing Anne on his side, his hand still on her stomach. “Don’t let shit my dad said upset you. You are everything to me, Anne.”

“Even when I’m being ridiculous and overly emotional?” She smiled at him, a little watery. 

“Especially when you’re overly emotional,” he said with a laugh. “At least I can do something about this, instead of just standing around when you had morning sickness.” 

“I love you.” Anne caressed his face. She looked far more relaxed now, and she wasn’t crying. So Phillip counted that as a win. 

After a short time her eyes started to droop, her lack of sleep and the emotions of the day getting the better of her. She fought a yawn. 

Phillip craned his neck and kissed her softly. “Why don’t you take a nap? I’ll go put dinner together.” 

“No, don’t go.” She put her hand on his, still splayed on her stomach. He nodded and kissed her forehead.

“I’ll stay. Get comfortable.” That was easier said than done these days. 

Anne rolled onto her side, her back pressed to Phillip’s chest, and his arm under her neck. He would have dead-arm in about five minutes, but he didn’t care. All he wanted was Anne to get some rest. 

Phillip slung his other arm over her side, pulled her a little closer. He attempted to get comfortable himself, as much as he could, but his pillow was missing. Lifting his head, he looked at the one Anne had clutched to her chest. 

“Is that my pillow?” he asked.

“No?”

“Anne…”

“It smelled like you,” she said. “So I decided to cuddle it because I wanted you and I’m pregnant so just leave me alone,” she groused.

Phillip rolled his eyes. “Well I’m here now, so can I have my pillow back?” 

“You won’t share with your pregnant wife?” 

“It’s not sharing if you stole it.” 

“I didn’t steal it, I borrowed it.” 

“Okay, you borrowed it.” Phillip frowned at the back of her head. “Now share it back.” 

Anne started giggling and looked at him over her shoulder. “I’m the youngest child, we don’t share well.” 

“By that logic I should be even worse at sharing as an only child.” 

“You _are_ worse at sharing!” she said indignantly. With a little effort she rolled onto her back and looked at him. “Name one time you willingly shared.” 

“Um…” Phillip quirked eyebrow while he thought.

“See! You can’t!”

“So I can’t think of something off the top of my head. Who could? And besides, you’re the one who won’t give me back my pillow when I’m _right here_.” 

“Case in point, you won’t share it with me.” Anne squeezed it a little tighter to her chest, still unwilling to relinquish it. 

Phillip groaned and flung an arm over his eyes. “And just think, we’re going to be parents,” he laughed. 

“Yeah,” Anne said softly, “and we’re going to be great parents.” She grabbed his arm and lifted it up. “I still think you should talk to your mom. She looked so happy when I told her you were doing well. I really do think she misses you.” 

“I’ll think about it.” 

“You miss her sometimes, don’t you?” 

“I…” Phillip chewed on his lip, feeling incredibly self-conscious despite the fact it was just Anne. “Yeah, sometimes. It’s stupid, I know.”

“It’s not stupid, baby. It’s okay to miss her, and it’s okay to not miss her. But if you wanted to talk to her I think she would be receptive.”

Phillip nodded. “I really will think about it.” 

“Okay. I just don’t want to be sad.” 

“I’m not sad.” He shook his head. “Are you sad?”

“No, it’s passed.” Anne settled herself beside him. “What me to tell what I said to your dad?” 

Phillip turned his head and kissed her. “I know what I would say…”

“You wouldn’t say anything, you’d just punch him.” 

“It was a high class restaurant, I have some decorum, you know.” He fought down a laugh. “I'd at least wait until we were outside to punch him."


	3. Meeting Mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My power is back, I can post more things! So a long, long time ago I gave myself a lot of feelings about Phillip's mom. Now I can share them.

“I’ll wait,” Phillip said and leaned back against the wall outside the theater’s restrooms. 

“Unless you wanted to be a good father and change your daughter’s diaper?” Anne asked, already unclipping the crying Maddie from her stroller. Maddie’s reaction was to only cry harder. 

“No, I’m positive this one is your turn.” 

Anne took the diaper bag off Phillip’s shoulder and shook her head at him. “Nine months. I carried her for nine months. Twelve hours of labor….” 

“Exactly. I can’t compete with that motherly bond--” the rest of his sentence was lost in his laughter as Anne quickly turned from him, making certain to hit him with the diaper bag in the process. 

Phillip watched until the restroom door swung shut behind Anne and the still crying Maddie. He was laughing to himself, trying to catch up on a couple work emails on his phone -- despite the fact Anne had literally just tore him away from his office computer -- when a shadow fell over him. An oddity seeing as there wasn’t a show until later. Looking up, Phillip nearly dropped his phone when he realized it was his mother. 

She stood there looking as polished as ever. Dark hair gathered into a low bun, dressed in a plain grey shift dress with a matching jacket and low heels. She looked as if she were going to lunch with her friends, and perhaps she was. Her demeanor seemed different though. Phillip could always remember her standing straight with her head high, all poise and grace, now she seemed drawn in on herself. Usually she abhorred fidgeting, because a lady never fidgeted, but now her hands couldn’t seem to stay still. They kept fiddling with the strap and latch of her purse. 

“Mom, what are you doing?” Phillip asked once he found his voice. 

“I’m finally taking Anne’s advice and visiting the theater. I was here last night for the show.” She flashed him a brief smile. “It was very good.” 

“Thank you.” 

“This whole theater is beautiful. I heard someone say last night that you remodeled it recently, it looks like you did a wonderful job with everything.” Phillip noticed she was still fiddling with her purse nervously. 

“Um, yeah, we did. It was a lot of work, but I’m happy with it.” 

“You should be very proud. You’ve done so well.” 

No matter how hard he tried, Phillip couldn’t quite process what was happening. He half expected his father to come out of the woodwork as well, even though he knew his father would never come to the theater. Certainly not under his own volition. And Phillip knew his mother’s body language meant she was doing this without his father’s knowledge. 

The whole thing gave him pause, and he could barely form a coherent word let alone keep the conversation going. He was luckily saved from attempting any further chitchat when the door to his right swung up, and Anne stepped out with Maddie tucked against her shoulder. Phillip couldn’t help but smile in relief. 

“She took your advice?” he said with a shrug.

Anne wrinkled her nose in confusion before she noticed his mother standing there. “Oh!” she said. “Hello, Mrs. Carlyle.” 

“I, I suppose you could call me Audrey now. If you like?” 

That earned a grin from Anne. “All right, Audrey.” She adjusted Maddie on her shoulder and looked between the two of them, both awkwardly standing there. “What do you think of the theater?” 

“It’s beautiful. I was just saying to Phillip he should be proud of everything he’s done.” Her gaze dropped pointedly to Maddie, curled against her mother, and lingered for a moment. Then she looked at Anne again, and smiled. A genuine one that Phillip rarely saw, and made her seem so youthful. It was strange, but nice. 

Then her gaze was on him again, and she straightened her shoulders. Affecting the same air of grace that he was so accustomed to. Except in that moment he realized she wasn’t projecting it, something to show others her status. Instead she was wearing it like a shroud. Protecting. 

“I came here to say something, and I don’t expect anything in return. Truly. I just hoped you would listen for a moment?” 

Phillip nodded, uncertain and confused, but curious all the same. His mother took in a deep breath and glanced around to confirm they were indeed alone. 

“What your father said and did was reprehensible. I only learned the whole truth after we saw Anne at the restaurant. He had led me to believe the whole incident was your fault. And after the altercation with Eddie… well, it was my mistake to believe him. For that, I am sorry. You deserved better.” She met Phillip’s gaze fully, and he had never seen her look so contrite. He felt like he’d had the wind knocked out of him. 

She glanced at Anne again. “You both did,” she said. 

Anne nodded, a little encouraging. 

“I do not expect your forgiveness, Phillip. I just wanted you to know that, and perhaps it was selfish of me to even come here, but what Anne said that day at the restaurant has stayed with me.” She sighed and glanced to the floor again, a little guilty. “I have made many mistakes in my life, so has your father. Obviously.” She looked up at Phillip again, studying his face for a moment. “In my family we never showed much affection. It wasn’t our way. Because of that I fear I was too distant, and I let your father set the example far too often. I’m sorry for that too, Phillip. And even though I have not said this enough, I want you to know that I am proud of you. I am so incredibly proud of the man you have become -- especially in spite of all our failings and shortcomings -- and that you’ve found happiness here. We’re not all that lucky, but I am so glad that you were.” 

Then she turned to leave. Phillip still couldn’t breathe properly, like an elephant was sitting on his chest. He looked to Anne, feeling completely lost. She motioned for him to go after his mother. 

“M-mom, wait!” he called and she stopped immediately. She hadn’t gotten far, and he easily caught her up. When she turned around to look at him, her guilt now was plainly written on her face. “You can’t just--” Phillip ran a hand through his hair, dug his fingers in tightly as he tried to get his voice to work. He tried to swallow past the lump forming in his throat. “I don’t… I’m not….” he trailed off, and shook his head.

At this point, he was only vaguely shocked when his mother hugged him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, squeezing gently. Phillip immediately hugged her back and ducked his head. All of his resolve crumbled in that instant, and before he could stop himself he was crying against her shoulder like he was all of six years old.

When they eventually broke apart, Phillip wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Further making him feel like a child. He wasn’t entirely sure what he did now, or how he even handled this. How they handled this. Once again, Anne saved him. This time with an introduction. 

“Audrey?” she asked softly, pretending as if she didn’t notice they were both crying. “Would you like to meet your granddaughter?” 

She nodded, dabbed at her eyes gently. “I would like that very much.” 

“This is Madeline, but we call her Maddie,” Anne said. Maddie was in much brighter spirits than she was a short time ago, wide eyes taking in everything around her. Including his mother. 

“Oh,” she breathed. “She has Phillip’s eyes?” 

“Would you like to hold her?” At his mother’s nod, Anne passed Maddie over. At three months she was used to being held by new people, everyone in the company having had a turn at least once. Unable to resist. She remained perfectly content his mother’s arms, and Phillip took the momentary distraction to attempt to collect himself. 

He busy staring at his shoes when he felt Anne gently cup his face, and made him look at her. She wiped at his face, laid a cool palm against his flushed cheek. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. Phillip could only cling to her like a lifeline.

Anne kept her running her hand over the back of his head and neck, almost as if she were trying to calm Maddie. “At least they’re happy tears?” she whispered in his ear.

Phillip huffed a laugh. “This is your fault.” 

“You’re welcome.” She loosened her grip and leaned back just enough to kiss his cheek. When she pulled back completely, she let her hand trail down his arm and hooked her finger with his. Phillip lifted their hands and kissed her knuckles, flashed her a grateful smile. 

He noticed his mother was discreetly watching them while she rocked Maddie. Whatever she was looking for, or whatever she thought, she seemed pleased enough. Then it hit Phillip like a ton of bricks when he realized she had been looking to see if he was happy. 

“We were going to lunch, would you, um. Would you like to come with us?” 

His mother seemed genuinely shocked by the offer, and looked to Anne for approval. Anne nodded again, still encouraging. Phillip was beyond grateful that she was there. 

“Yes, I think I would like that very much. If you’re certain?” 

By now Maddie was over her initial interest at someone new, and had instead focused on Phillip, raising her hands until he took her. He kissed her cheek before settling her on his shoulder, letting her cuddle against the crook of his neck. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I would like it if you joined us. We should talk.” 

She smiled again, a real one that seemed to change her entire face. Even when he was young he had always thought his mother would be pretty if she smiled, and he had been right. Then her smile turned almost teasing, and while Phillip had never really thought he much looked like either of his parents, in that moment he thought he probably looked most like his mother. 

“We should,” she agreed. “I can tell you all about how I’m divorcing your father.” 

“What? Are you serious?” 

“Yes. As I said I let him set the example for too long. I’m not letting that him do that anymore.” 

“Holy shit, mom.” 

“Phillip,” she chided, glanced at Maddie. 

“What? She doesn’t know either way. It’s fine.” He laughed a little bit. “Besides, that was the PC version.” 

Next to him Anne snorted, pressed her knuckles to her mouth. His mother didn’t seem quite as amused, but something about that was rather charming. Strangely enough. They took a moment to collect the stroller and diaper bag before heading out to lunch. 

It seemed like a bizarre new chapter was starting in his life, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He watched as Anne and his mother laughed over something as they opened the theater doors and stepped into the street. No, it wasn’t bad at all.


	4. Fathers and Sons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I was going to let Anne have all the fun with parental run-ins and verbal sparring?

“Aw I know, bud,” Phillip said as Isaac let out a big yawn, nose wrinkling. “It's so hard waiting for your mom and sister. But they’ll be here soon.” He gently bounced in place, a protective hand on the back of Isaac's head, who was curled up in his baby Bjorn against Phillip’s chest and about ready for a nap by the looks of it.

They were currently waiting outside the theater for Anne and Maddie, who had gone shopping for new shoes. A bit of a girls day out. Which had left Phillip and Isaac to their own devices. Their father/son day had included so many exciting things Phillip could hardly keep track of it all. There was a thrilling round of peekaboo, and a scary bout of hiccups that had left Isaac in tears. The trying life of a newborn, Phillip thought.

Ducking his head, Phillip dropped a kiss to Isaac's forehead as he started to drift off to sleep. Then a throat cleared behind Phillip, a familiar voice calling his name. He went still. As cliche as it was, Phillip felt like the proverbial bucket of ice water had been dumped over his head. Turning slowly he came face to face with his father, and he wondered if it had been planned or simply a terrible stroke of luck. His father appeared a lot older than Phillip remembered, but no less put together. 

He looked Phillip over, his hands in his jacket pockets and his shoulders straight. “You look well,” he said.

“Thanks. Can’t really say the same for you.” 

If his father was taken aback by his bluntness, he didn’t show it. Instead he nodded toward the theater. “I wanted to come by and finally see it for myself.” 

“Oh.” That surprised Phillip. So maybe the run in hadn’t been planned, exactly. “Well, what do you think?” 

“It’s… something,” he said slowly. 

It was difficult to discern whether that was good or bad. Although knowing his father Phillip couldn’t imagine it was a compliment. At that moment Isaac fussed a little, gurgling in that newborn way before settling again when Phillip once again placed a soothing hand on the back of his head. 

“And who is this?” his father asked. 

“My son, Isaac. We were just waiting for my wife. You remember Anne, I’m sure.” He gave his father a humorless smile. “She took our daughter shoe shopping; she’s grown a lot recently. So they had a girls day, while I watched Isaac. You know, like any good father would. Not that you would know much about that. Would you, John?” 

“Phillip,” his father chided, a tick in his jaw. 

“What, John?” he returned in the same tone. “What did you honestly think would happen when you came over here to talk to me? Did you think I was going to see you and suddenly agree with everything you did? Did you think I would look at you with understanding in my eyes and say you were right? Yeah, dad. It’s awful being married to a woman I love, and raising two wonderful kids together. I can see why you tried to save me from it.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t become you, son.”

“I’m not your son, remember? I’m just a stranger who happens to have the same last name.” Phillip lowered his voice when Isaac started fussing again, and started rocking from side to side. It seemed such a strange juxtaposition to Phillip; fighting down his seething anger at his father while also trying soothe his own son. The latter was far easier. 

“Despite everything else you will always be my son,” his father said after a short time. “I know things might not have been perfect, but I provided for you the best way I knew how.”

“Did you?” Phillip snorted. “Well, I provide for both my kids, and I’ve never forgotten their birthdays in favor of a business trip. I’ve never ignored my daughter because it was unbecoming to play with her on the floor. I’m not gonna dress my son up in little suits and ties and tell him to ‘act like a man’ before he’s even hit double digits. And I’m certainly not going to threaten them to take over the family business, or try to drive away the people they love. So tell me again how you provided for me?” 

“I did what I thought was best, always. And you never wanted for anything.” 

“I never wanted for money or for material possessions, that’s true. I never wanted for unsupervised time where I could do any number of stupid things. I could drink the finest liquor until I become an alcoholic, and snort the finest blow until I become an addict. All because I was young and had money to burn. So no, I never wanted for any of that. One thing I did want was a dad who cared. Didn’t ever really have one of those.” 

His father took in a deep breath and let it out sharply through his nose, his jaw working while he stared at a point over Phillip’s shoulder. “You don’t understand, Phillip.” 

“What don’t I understand, dad?” Phillip lifted his shoulders and shook his head. “Because as I understand it I spent the majority of my childhood alone and unwanted. Little more than an afterthought. I understand that I don’t remember a good portion of my early twenties because I was a blackout drunk and I didn’t have anyone who cared enough to look out for me, or check up on me.” Phillip ground his teeth, tried not to turn it into a shouting match on the street. Mainly for Isaac’s sake. “Or are you going to say I don’t understand what it means to be a father? Because I’m dad twice over now, and I know what it means to love your child. And… and you never loved me.” 

He knew it was something he should have acknowledged years ago. That didn’t make it any easier though. And that didn’t make it any less true. Phillip bent his head over Isaac and breathed in the scent of soap and that distinctive baby smell. It was comforting. Because he knew he loved Isaac, and he always would. No matter what. Like a father should. 

Phillip looked up at his father again. His father who hadn’t even tried to refute the accusation. “Can you do something for me, dad?

His father returned his gaze steadily, lifted his eyebrows gently in question.

“Can you look at me right now and admit you were wrong? About anything? About Anne and our relationship. About trying to force me to be your shadow without ever once taking what I wanted into consideration. Just… anything, dad? Just one fucking thing.”

His father opened his mouth, although nothing came out and he shut it again. The silence that followed was deafening, even as the sounds of the city swirled around them. Life going on as usual while they stood facing off on the sidewalk like it was the O.K. Corral. 

Phillip nodded slowly and chewed on his lip. He swallowed thickly. “Yeah, I thought so.” 

Then gathering up all the nerve he could muster, Phillip stepped up close to his father and looked in him square in the eye. 

“I’m leaving now, because I don’t want my wife to see you. I don’t want to put her through that. And I sure as shit don’t want my daughter to know that you even exist. Thankfully he won’t remember.” He glanced down at Isaac. “But before I go,” Phillip said firmly. “I want you to know something: I am nothing like you, and I never fucking will be. That’s a promise.”

Phillip turned on his heel without a backward glance, hurrying away from his father for exactly the reason he said: he didn’t want Anne to see him. Turning the corner at the end of the block, he spotted Anne and Maddie giggling while making their way up the sidewalk. 

“Daddy!” Maddie cried the second she saw him, letting go of her mother’s hand and racing forward to hug his legs. Anne was close behind, taking Isaac from Phillip so he could swing Maddie up into his arms. 

“Did you get new shoes?” Phillip grabbed Maddie’s ankle, playfully tipping her backward in order to inspect her foot. Maddie squealing with laughter the entire time. “You did get new shoes! What else did you do?” he asked when he straightened her up. 

“We saw the princess movie and I had my own popcorn!” 

“The princess movie?” He grinned at Anne. “That means daddy won’t have to see it again and mommy is a saint,” he whispered to her. 

Anne laughed. “How are my boys? Did you have a good day?” She bent her head to press kisses to Isaac’s cheeks. 

“We had a wonderful day. Although Isaac learned what hiccups are, and I don’t think he was impressed.” 

“Oh, no. How traumatic.” Anne was still laughing when she passed Isaac back to Phillip to settle him in the Bjorn, Maddie placing herself between her parents with a hand in each of theirs. Only then did Anne frown at Phillip. “What’s wrong?” she asked. 

“I, uh…” Phillip glanced over his shoulder as if they were being followed. No one was there. “I just saw my dad.” 

“What? What happened? Are you okay?” 

He shook his head dismissively. “I’m fine. I just… I don’t want to talk about it just yet. I think I need to process things first. I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay. Come here, sweetie.” Anne stopped and bent to pick up Maddie, settling her on her hip. Then she lifted a hand to Phillip’s cheek. “I’m here, whenever.” 

“I know.” He smiled. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Anne kissed the corner of his mouth, and then they continued on down the sidewalk to get dinner together. A happy family. Regardless of anything else, that alone was enough to give Phillip peace of mind.


	5. The Carlyles

Without even opening his eyes Phillip knew two things. First, despite the growing light filtering in through the curtains, it was still ridiculously early. Second, there was a small intruder in the bedroom. Prying open his eyes, Phillip found Maddie hovering beside the bed. 

“What are you doing, kiddo?” he whispered. 

“I had a bad dream.” 

“Come here.” He lifted the blankets, and scooted back from the edge as much as he could with a sound asleep Anne splayed against his back. 

Maddie clambered into their bed without further prompting and Phillip hugged her to his chest, dropped a kiss to her forehead. 

“Better?” he asked. She nodded slowly. “Do you want to tell me about your dream?” 

“I was lost and no one was there no matter how much I called. Not you or mommy and I was very scared.” She tried to burrow herself a little closer, tucking her head under his chin. Phillip rubbed soothing circles against her back. 

“It was just a dream, sweetheart. Mommy and I will always be here when you need us, no matter what.” 

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.” He had already made the same promise to himself, the second he held each of them for the first time. He would never repeat the sins of his father. “We’ll always be there for you. Isaac too.” 

“But he’s just a baby,” Maddie said, almost laughing. 

“I know, but he loves you. So do uncle D. And grandma Omi and grandma Audrey and nana Linette. They’ll always be there for you too. So will uncle Phin and auntie Charity and Caroline and Helen.”

“And auntie Lettie?”

“And auntie Lettie,” he agreed and kissed her head again. “See, you have lots and lots of people who are always going to look out for you.” 

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, kiddo?” 

She tilted her head back and looked up at him, her eyes wide and startlingly blue in the dim morning light. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, lips falling into a pout. 

“What is it?” he asked softly. Maddie continued to hesitant. “Do you want to ask me something?” She nodded slowly. “You can ask me anything. I promise it’s okay.” 

“Sometimes mommy tells me stories about her daddy, and uncle D does too. And Grandma Omi has lots of pictures at her house. But you don’t…”

Phillip sighed. “But I don’t tell you stories about my dad?” 

She nodded again. “Yeah.”

He knew this question would come one day, and honestly he probably should've been surprised it hadn’t come sooner. That didn’t make the task any more appealing. Phillip paused for a moment, thinking how best to broach the subject with a six year old. 

“My dad… well, he isn’t very nice.”

“He’s not?” She seemed so genuinely and adorably confused by that concept Phillip nearly laughed. 

“No. He said a lot of mean things, to me, and to your mom. When he did that I told him I wouldn’t talk to him anymore, and I haven’t.” Except once time, and he wasn’t about to try to explain that encounter. 

“Because you were mad because he was mean to mommy?” 

“Yes, I was very mad.” 

“Me too, no one should be mean to mommy,” she said very seriously. Her face falling into a scowl. Phillip did laugh a little at that. 

“No, no one should ever be mean to mommy. But he was very mean and unfair.” 

“Why was he so mean?” 

“Because he always thought he was right, even when he didn’t understand. And he wouldn’t listen when you tried to explain.” 

Maddie thought that over for a little bit, brows knitted together. “What didn’t he understand?” she asked. 

“How much I love your mom.” 

That, naturally, delighted Maddie. She grinned up at Phillip, exposing her missing front tooth. “Like the prince loves the princess?” 

He wasn’t sure which prince and which princess she meant specifically, or if she meant them all. But he decided to indulge her. “Yes, like the prince loves the princess. And I would do anything to make your mom happy. Just like I would do anything to make you and your brother happy. Because I love all very, very much.” 

“How much?” 

“More than you love ice cream.” 

“That’s a lot,” she whispered. 

“I know.” Phillip could tell she was getting tired again, her eyes fluttering shut before she snapped them back open. He started rubbing circles on her back again, trying to coax her to sleep. 

“Daddy?” she asked, then yawned. 

“Mm?” 

“I’m sorry you had a bad daddy.” Maddie squirmed away from him a little bit and reached up to place her little hands on either side of his face -- something she had seen her mother do countless times -- and looked at him very seriously. “But guess what?” 

“What?” 

“I think you are a very good daddy and I love you more than ice cream.” 

Phillip was immensely glad Maddie took that moment to return to her previous position: head tucked under his chin, and her face jammed against the column of his neck. Because his face crumpled slightly at her little declaration, and while Phillip had no idea what exactly his expression looked like in that moment, he was sure it was something incredibly stupid. 

He let out a shaky breath and waited for a little while, still running his hand up and down Maddie’s back and just generally in awe of how much he loved her, when eventually he realized she was finally asleep again. Phillip shifted a little bit, got a bit more comfortable and tried to doze off again himself.

“She’s right you know,” Anne whispered in his ear. Phillip let out a harsh breath, nearly a laugh.

“How long were you listening?” he asked, glancing back over his shoulder.

“The whole time. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Eavesdropper.” 

“It’s hard to miss when you’re whispering together in my bed.” She reached over Phillip’s side and ran her fingers through Maddie’s hair. “She is right, you are a good dad. Just like I always knew you would be.”

“I see, you woke up just to say ‘I told you so.’ Got it.” 

“I couldn’t miss my opportunity, you know.” He could feel Anne kiss his shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah. It’s just strange to try to explain to a six year old that her grandfather is the epitome of a word I can’t even say around her.” Phillip ever so slowly started to roll onto his back, careful to keep Maddie tucked against his side. Although as soon as he was settled, somehow she managed climb on top him, sprawled over his chest. 

“She’s her mother’s daughter,” he said. 

“It’s not our fault you make a comfortable pillow.” Anne brushed back some hair from Maddie’s forehead, then did the same to Phillip. “You did good though with Maddie. I know it sucked, but you handled it well.” 

“I’m going to say something, but don’t take it the wrong way, okay?” He tilted his head and looked at Maddie, ran a hand over her hair and down her back. “I loved Maddie and Isaac before they were even born. Then I got to see them and hold them, and I loved them more than I thought was possible. And I love them more every day.” He finally looked at Anne again. “I just don’t understand why my dad didn’t love me the same way.” 

“Because he’s not you and he’s not capable of it. And that’s not your fault, Phillip.” 

“No, I know. I don’t need him in my life, and I sure as shit don’t want him in my life. I just, I just sometimes wonder what it would have been like. Would I have drank as much, or regretted as much if things with my father had been different?” 

Anne grew quiet for a moment, then she lifted herself up onto her elbow and looked down at Phillip. By now sunlight was shining through the cracks in the curtains, the morning growing later. Clearly going back to sleep was not an option. 

“We wouldn’t have met,” Anne said at length. 

“You think so?”

“I know it.” She sighed, and looked almost sad. “I know you hate the idea of running the foundation, and hate the idea of being confined to that. But I think if you and your father had a real relationship, and you had actually looked up to him in some degree? You would have been happy to follow in his footsteps. Because whether you like it or not, you have a good head for business.”

“And,” she continued making Phillip wonder if she had thought about this before, “I think you would have been fulfilled in other ways. Ways that wouldn’t have driven you to decide to invest in P.T’s theater, or become his business partner, or anything else. Then we would have never met.” 

Phillip mulled that over. He thought briefly about the years before he met Anne, trying to get a hold of his life and struggling through sobriety. He thought of the time before that, the downward spiral and so many forgotten nights. He thought of when he was younger, wanting nothing more than a kind word from his father only to be forgotten and brushed aside. He also tried to imagine his life the way Anne had described it, but nothing about it seemed appealing. 

“Well,” he finally said. “It all worked out for the best then, didn’t it?” 

“You think so?” she asked with a teasing smile. 

Maddie took that moment to make a strange little snuffling noise as she tried burrow herself against Phillip’s chest. She finally settled down once she had inched her way up and was hugging his neck, her face mashed against the pillow beside his head. Despite their best efforts, they both started laughing and couldn’t seem to stop. Phillip decided to blame the lack of sleep. 

“I know so,” he said when he managed to collect himself. “You know as well as anyone there are entire years I would love to erase, and a thousand bad decisions I would change if I could. But if that was what needed to happen for me to get here, now, with you and her.” He rested his hand on Maddie’s back. “And Isaac. Then I wouldn’t change anything. You’re all worth it. You’re worth everything.” 

Anne leaned down, pressed a firm kiss to his cheek. “I’m glad you think that.” 

“Why wouldn’t I? Everything else aside, all those years I was just lonely. So incredibly lonely. But I’m not anymore. Because I have all of you.” 

She kissed his cheek again, then rested her forehead against his temple. “Maybe that’s the real reason we use you as a pillow; we’re making up for all the time you missed out on being cuddled.” 

“I really don’t mind.”

“Good, because I don’t think Maddie is moving anytime soon.” 

In the distance the sounds of crying could be heard, signaling the fact the final member of the family was awake as well.

“Looks like it’s a party,” Phillip said. 

“I guess we don’t have to argue over whose turn it is, seeing as you’re indisposed.” Anne’s nose wrinkled as she smiled, shoving back the blankets. “I’ll be back.”

“You could always just bring him in here.” 

“For a family cuddle?”

“Sure, why not?” 

“We’ll see how fussy he is.” Anne padded to the door and disappeared down the hall. Even with all the talking and crying, Maddie remained sound asleep on Phillip’s chest.

A short time later Anne returned with Isaac, his head on her shoulder. By the looks of it he was already half-way asleep. She carefully crawled back into bed, settling herself next to Phillip with Isaac between them, half blanketing Phillip’s chest. 

“You know, I didn’t realize that a family cuddle would equal dogpiling me.” 

“You’re our pillow,” Anne said, resting her head on his shoulder. 

“I guess there are worse things.” 

Silence lapsed over them, and eventually he could tell Anne was dozing again. And there in the soft morning light with Maddie and Anne resting on either shoulder, and Isaac tucked firmly against his side, Phillip knew unequivocally that everything in his life had been worth it. Because he was exactly where he was meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! This was kind of an experiment I guess? Since I'd had these in my WIP folder for a while as separate fics (except Phillip and his dad). I was a little nervous about sharing them so thanks for the kind words! :D


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